भारत गणराज्य - The place where I was born but not nurtured

Ever since I was a little child, I have been dreaming about travelling to my birthcountry. I used to fantasize about that I actually was an indian princess, that was the next in order to become the queen of India. I imagined that I would be welcomed in India, by a long red carpet and that I would be taken to my biological parents, the bearded king and the extremely beautiful queen. And they would give me all the candy and icecream I ever wished for. Then I would live in a big palace, like the one from Disneys "Aladdin". I had no clue at that time, that India is a federal republic. Which was good, it was not a president´s daughter I wanted to be. That was not the dreampicture I had in my head.

Today, I am preparing to finally go and see the country where I was born. 20 years ago a woman gave birth to me, somewhere in New Delhi. Two days old, I came to the orphanage Udayan, where I spent 9 months before I was flown to Arlanda. At Arlanda, my adoptive parents were waiting for their daughter. All I have from India, is the look, I have the luxury of not having to sunbath in the summer, I am already brown. And I have long, black hair that many would kill for, as my stepmom points out sometimes. But my appearance has also created hate and fear, when people have not known how to react to someone with another colour. People should not have reacted at all because it does not matter which colour is on your skin.

When I lived in Estonia, people sometimes asked me to tell something about my homecountry. When I started to tell them about Yxskaftkälen and the beautiful mountains and the cute cows, they said no, we do not want to hear about Sweden. It is boring! Tell us about India! That is interesting! I was sorry to disappoint them, and tell them that what I know from India, I know from the internet and from the tv. I do not even have a memory of being there.

But am I Indian? Today, I would answer no to that question. When someone ask me where I am from, I immediately answer Sweden. And when they then further ask, where my parents come from, I say Sweden. And when they then ask if I have another mothertongue, I give in and say that no, swedish is my mothertongue, but I am adopted from India.Maybe after this trip, I will feel more like an indian. Who knows? Or maybe I will just feel like the average swede I am.

This trip is important for me, because I am fulfilling my childhood dream. Maybe I will not be welcomed with a red carpet and my biological parents, it is more likely that I will get welcomed by stomach diseases and holy cows. But I know that I am doing something that is important for me and that probably will change me. I will finally get to see where I was born.I will explore the country that I have been dreaming about since I was a child. And we will have great fun!

TILL INDIEN? JAAAAA!

Malin